Ready Player One

Review

Not bad, but not very good either.

Here’s what the author does well - referencing an unbelievable amount of 80’s video games, movies and TV shows. If you’re an 80s kid or you’d like to be, you’ll enjoy the detailed play throughs of games, the discussion of finer points of movies but most often simply the constant references. Here’s an example of a reference I loved - when the good guys need to attack the bad guys’ base but are waiting for someone to destroy the protective shield one of them says “we need to give Han more time!” You’ll love it if you understand the references. Otherwise it’s possible that it’ll fall flat.

The story maintains a good pace too. It rarely slows down. The plans concocted and executed by the good guys are fun to read.

And that’s pretty much it for the good parts. Now for the rest.

1. The Good Guys are very Good, and the Bad Guys are very Bad. There’s not even an attempt to make either side greyish. I don’t know about you but such characters are dead boring to read about. Unfortunately, no character ever has to make a tough choice in this book.

2. All the good guys follow the same template. It’s basically the same character several times, except for the Japanese characters. The Japanese characters are straight out of The Last Samurai, who can’t form a single sentence without the word “honour” in it. Maybe that’s how Japanese people in 1850 spoke, but this novel is set in 2050.

3. Since all the characters are the same, it’s not surprising that they talk with the same mannerisms. They seemingly know only 2 adjectives - epic and lame. (the main character feels “epic loneliness” after a family member dies. Another character criticising a movie says “it’s fucking lame! And the soundtrack is epically lame! Lame-o-Rama! Beyond lame! Highlander II lame!”)

4. Good books show you things and trust you to form your own conclusions. Bad books will tell you the conclusion, just in case you don’t get it. This book falls in the latter category. Example - a newly introduced character motormouths for 2 pages without pause and then says “I tend to ramble when I’m nervous or excited.” Thanks for telling us your character traits, new character!

5. The dialogue is unbearable. Rather than have the characters talk like normal people, the author chose to have all dialogue replaced with cliches. (“Revenge is a dish best served cold”, “rearranging deck chairs on the titanic”, “it’s not over till the fat lady sings right?”, “it’s not over till it’s over. And it’s not over”). The best parts of the book are the ones with no dialogue at all.

All of this is only nitpicking though. Maybe you can forgive the dialogue and the one dimensional characters. The issue that I think is most difficult to overlook is that this - it does not present any new ideas so it doesn’t ask any difficult questions of you, the reader. Its just action and references. The author is in such a rush to reference as many things as possible that he forgets to actually put any ideas. Around the end he realises this, so he has all the characters suddenly decide that the real world is much better than the virtual world, even though they hardly spend any time in the real world. This epiphany the characters have feels tacked on, and would hardly make a difference to the novel if it was dropped.

I totally understand that some people will enjoy this anyway. That’s fine. I enjoyed the hell out of action-with-no-plot-or-characters movie genre, and a lot of people would be looking for the same from a book.

Highlights

Page 16

So I swallowed all of the dark ages nonsense they fed me. Some time passed. I grew up a little, and I gradually began to figure out that pretty much everyone had been lying to me about pretty much everything since the moment I emerged from my mother’s womb.

Note: Too emo. Like goddamn, this kid is salty about god and Santa Claus?

Page 17

Our tribes got much bigger, and we spread across the entire planet like an unstoppable virus.

Note: From the matrix

Page 19

in a vain attempt to stave off the epic loneliness I now felt.

Note: Epic as an adjective. On one hand that’s a low effort writing but you could counter saying that that’s how the kid speaks

Page 23

“People who live in glass houses should shut the fuck up.”

Page 27

The OASIS credit was the coin of the realm, and in these dark times, it was also one of the world’s most stable currencies, valued higher than the dollar, pound, euro, or yen.

Note: The author doesn’t know how currencies work

Page 33

These days, most gunters referred to them as “the Sux0rz.” (Because they sucked.)

Note: Poetry

Page 35

A lot of gunters even questioned whether she was really female, but I wasn’t one of them. Probably because I couldn’t bear the idea that the girl with whom I was virtually smitten might actually be some middle-aged dude named Chuck, with back hair and male-pattern baldness.

Note: Character is too self aware. Show don’t tell, trust the reader to figure it out for themselves

Page 39

to speedrun through a few quests and rack up some XPs.

Note: I didn’t know The plural of XP was XPs

Page 40

It’s even worse than that first Ewok flick, Caravan of Courage. They shoulda called it Caravan of Suck.”

Note: Nobel Prize worthy

Page 41

“It’s fucking lame, is what it is! The swords look like they were made out of tinfoil. And that soundtrack is epically lame. Full of synthesizers and shit. By the motherfucking Alan Parsons Project! Lame-o-rama! Beyond lame. Highlander II lame.”

Note: Surely dialogue can be better than this

Page 58

But the OASIS utilized a new kind of fault-tolerant server array that could draw additional processing power from every computer connected to it.

Note: Lol

Page 62

Douglas Adams. Kurt Vonnegut. Neal Stephenson. Richard K. Morgan. Stephen King. Orson Scott Card. Terry Pratchett. Terry Brooks. Bester, Bradbury, Haldeman, Heinlein, Tolkien, Vance, Gibson, Gaiman, Sterling, Moorcock, Scalzi, Zelazny.

Note: I approve

Page 67

because my theory about the old D&D module was completely lame

Note: Things are either epic or lame. Nothing in between

Page 78

A +1 Ring of Protection. I even found a suit of +3 Full Plate armor.

Note: Discount store RoP and Plate Mail LUL

Page 91

“Listen,” she said, glancing at her boots. “I apologize for calling you a low-level wimpazoid. That was not cool. I insulted you.”

Note: Dialogue is so cringe

Page 92

“Sorry,” she said a second later. “I tend to ramble when I’m nervous. Or excited.

Note: Thanks for telling us your character traits, new character

Page 118

The reporter chuckled uncomfortably. “Ah, Mr. Morrow … I really don’t think that’s called for.”

Note: Any experienced reporter knows you laugh such responses off. Dude struggles even with non teenage characters

Page 119

unabashedly obsessed with Monty Python, comic books, fantasy novels, and videogames.

Note: This is so mainstream now. I find it difficult to believe that someone could face ridicule for liking these things

Page 129

No one had ever heard of these avatars before, but their names seemed to indicate they were working together, either as a duo or as part of a clan. Shoto and daito were the Japanese names for the short and long swords worn by samurai. When worn as a set, the two swords were called daisho, and this quickly became the nickname by which the two of them were known.

Note: Just realised there are only English speakers in this game. There are translation programs though

Page 131

I’d also received several endorsement-deal offers from companies who wanted to use Parzival’s name and face to sell their services and products.

Note: Makes no sense. Companies could just use it until he objected. If he tried to enforce the TM on his name they’d know who he was

Page 139

Sorrento seemed to take my silence as a cue that he should continue. “You know, contrary to popular belief, the OASIS really won’t change that drastically when IOI takes control of it. Sure, we’ll have to start charging everyone a monthly user fee. And increase the sim’s advertising revenue. But we also plan to make a lot of improvements. Avatar content filters. Stricter construction guidelines. We’re going to make the OASIS a better place.”

Note: Cmon man. Make them at least a little grey. Such black and white characters are boring

Page 142

“Your first instinct right now might be to log out and make a run for it,” Sorrento said. “I urge you not to make that mistake. Your trailer is currently wired with a large quantity of high explosives.”

Note: Jesus fucking Christ. This is reaching depths of incompetence I didn’t think were possible

Page 143

“How did we find out who you are? And where you live?” He grinned. “Easy. You screwed up, kid. When you enrolled in the OASIS public school system, you gave them your name and address. So they could mail you your report cards, I suppose.”

Note: He lives in a bunch of favelas. How the hell do they have addresses? Worse, why would a completely online school mess around with physical report cards. Senseless

Page 147

To prevent me from winning a videogame contest.

Note: After building up the contest to the point where the happiness of humanity hinges on the outcome he’s trying to trivialise it

Page 153

“But how can they do this?” Shoto asked, his young voice brimming with rage. He looked to his brother. “It’s not fair. They’re not playing fair.” “They don’t have to. There are no laws in the OASIS, little brother,” Daito said. “The Sixers can do whatever they please. They won’t stop until someone stops them.” “The Sixers have no honor,” Shoto said, scowling.

Note: Japanese stereotype

Page 156

“The Sixers have no honor,” Daito said, shaking his head.

Note: Where have I heard this before? Oh yeah, previous page

Page 164

which helped me get access to a highly exclusive illegal data-auction site known as the L33t Hax0rz Warezhaus,

Note: Why is he trying so hard

Page 164

for a shockingly small amount of money, I was able to purchase a series of access procedures and passwords for the USCR (United States Citizen Registry) database. Using these, I was able to log into the database and access my existing citizen profile, which had been created when I enrolled for school. I deleted my fingerprints and retinal patterns, then replaced them with those of someone deceased (my father). Then I copied my own fingerprints and retinal patterns into a completely new identity profile that I’d created, under the name Bryce Lynch.

Note: A DB that’s writeable for a small amount of money. Must be worthless surely

Page 164

This was the fastest and most secure type of Internet connection available, and since it wasn’t provided by IOI or one of its subsidiaries, I wouldn’t have to be paranoid about them monitoring my connection or trying to trace my location.

Note: Author hasn’t heard of https

Page 168

I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal. —Groucho Marx

Note: Berry nice. Berry cool.

Page 172

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Note: Clicheeee

Page 191

Capitalism would inch forward, without my actually having to interact face-to-face with another human being. Which was exactly how I preferred it, thank you.

Page 194

“knocking a few protons off the old hydrogen atom”).

Note: Surely knocking electrons is a better analogy

Page 198

Each component of my rig was a bar in the cell where I had willingly imprisoned myself.

Page 198

agoraphobic

Note: Elijah bailey

Page 201

Those people were rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic and everyone knew it.

Note: I get that this character is steeped in 20th century culture but the use of these cliches begins to grate

Page 205

They were both surprised and humbled by my generosity.

Note: I love it when humbled is used incorrectly

Page 205

“You are a man of honor.”

Note: I feel like the author might know absolutely nothing about Japanese people

Page 206

Now I worked forty hours a week, helping morons reboot their OASIS consoles and update the drivers for their haptic gloves. It was grueling work, but it paid the rent.

Note: Nice, makes him relatable. Thu.

Page 210

Sorrento himself used his own IOI account to bid on the tablet. He waited until the last few seconds of the auction and then outbid everyone.

Note: An auction run by idiots. What is this, eBay?

Page 217

Since the dawn of the OASIS, thousands of elderly users had come here and painstakingly coded virtual replicas of local arcades they remembered from their childhood, thus making them a permanent part of the museum.

Note: Love how anyone can add code to the world… but you can’t code gear

Page 226

FROBOZZ WAS LOCATED in a group of several hundred rarely visited worlds known as the XYZZY Cluster.

Note: I liked this reference. Maybe I would like this game more if I played these games and watched more of these movies

Page 232

I also copped to being a colossally insensitive, self-centered asshole and begged him to forgive me.

Note: Is it insensitive and self centred to pursue a girl?

Page 235

Seeing his IOI employee number above Shoto’s name made me cringe.

Note: Cringe. Hahaa, I’m 12 btw

Page 237

Learning that the Sixers had done it in less than twenty-four hours had probably driven her into a psychotic rage. Or maybe a catatonic stupor.

Note: Lmao. A tad overboard maybe

Page 242

ANOTHER OTAKU SUICIDE.

Note: Now this is absurd. How can a Japanese person be otaku. He means hikikomori. Edit: I stand corrected. Otaku means geek or nerd

Page 246

Boots of Speed

Note: Scrub hasn’t upgraded boots

Page 248

“It’s not over until the fat lady is singing, right?” I nodded. “It’s not over until it’s over. And it’s not over yet.”

Note: Why write dialogue when you can write cliches

Page 250

In fact, replicants look and act so much like real humans that the only way a blade runner can spot one is by using a polygraph-like device called a Voight-Kampff machine to test them.

Note: Is it a vk machine?

Page 309

“I’ve already taken care of it,” I said. “You guys are gonna have to trust me.”

Note: Annoying, but I’ll allow it

Page 318

A heavyset African American girl sat in the RV’s driver seat, clutching the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead. She was about my age, with short, kinky hair and chocolate-colored skin that appeared iridescent in the soft glow of the dashboard indicators.

Note: Saw this coming

Page 325

I wanted to ask what it was that ended your friendship with Halliday. In all the research I’ve done, I’ve never been able to find out. What happened?” Morrow studied me for a moment. He’d been asked this question in interviews many times before and had always ignored it. I don’t know why he decided to tell me. Maybe he’d been waiting all these years to tell someone. “It was because of Kira. My wife.”

Note: Saw this coming

Page 331

outnumbered and outmatched. “So, Parzival,” said Shoto, turning his robot’s huge head in my direction. “It’s showtime, old friend. If that sphere doesn’t come down like you promised, this is going to be pretty embarrassing.” “‘Han will have that shield down,’” Aech quoted. “‘We’ve got to give him more time!’”

Note: Niiiiiice la!

Page 338

“Go on without me,” Shoto said. “I owe this son of a bitch some payback.”

Note: At least he didn’t say “unfinished business”

Page 364

“I created the OASIS because I never felt at home in the real world. I didn’t know how to connect with the people there. I was afraid, for all of my life. Right up until I knew it was ending. That was when I realized, as terrifying and painful as reality can be, it’s also the only place where you can find true happiness. Because reality is real. Do you understand?” “Yes,” I said. “I think I do.”

Note: What a copout

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