Monkey

Highlights

Page 13

The Stone Monkey took his seat at the head of them and said, ‘Gentlemen! “With one whose word cannot be trusted there is nothing to be done!”* You promised that any of us who managed to get through the waterfall and back again, should be your king. I have not only come and gone and come again, but also found you a comfortable place to sleep, put you in the enviable position of being householders. Why do you not bow down to me as your king?’

Note: yanling mentioned how important it is for chinese people to own ahome

Page 14

‘If that is what troubles your Majesty, it shows that religion has taken hold upon your heart. There are indeed, among all creatures, three kinds that are not subject to Yama, King of Death.’ ‘And do you know which they are?’ asked the Monkey King. ‘Buddhas, Immortals, and Sages,’ he said. ‘These three are exempt from the Turning of the Wheel, from birth and destruction. They are eternal as Heaven and Earth, as the hills and streams.’

Page 26

‘Nothing in the world is difficult,’ said the Patriarch, ‘it is only our own thoughts that make things seem so.’

Page 30

Monkey now used the method called Body Outside the Body. He plucked out a handful of hairs, bit them into small pieces, and then spat them out into the air, crying ‘Change!’ The fragments of hair changed into several hundred small monkeys, all pressing round in a throng.

Note: wukongs command

Page 35

‘The proverb says “It’s no use the Dragon King pretending he’s got no treasures,”’ said Monkey. ‘Just look again, and if you succeed in finding something suitable, I’ll give you a good price.’ ‘I warn you I haven’t got anything else,’ said the Dragon King. At this point the Dragon Mother and her daughter slipped out from the back rooms of the palace and said, ‘Great King, we can see that this Monkey Sage is of no common capacities. In our treasury is the magic iron with which the bed of the Milky Way was pounded flat. For several days past it has been glowing with a strange light. Was this not perhaps an omen that it should be given to the Sage who has just arrived?’

Page 47

‘The Jade Emperor,’ said Monkey, ‘has no regard for talent. He made me a groom in the stables!’ ‘With magic powers like yours,’ they said, ‘why should you stoop to look after horses? “The Great Sage, Equal of Heaven”, – that is the title for such a one as you.’ Monkey was delighted with the sound of this, and having exclaimed ‘Good, good, good!’ many times, he ordered his generals to set up a banner with ‘Great Sage, Equal of Heaven’ written on it in large letters.

Note: the end of the dota 2 infro in chinese

Page 65

The demon-king Mahābāli was sent as messenger,

Note: i wonder if its the same one

Page 72

‘It’s not surprising,’ said Lao Tzu. ‘After all, he ate the peaches of Immortality, drank the wine of Heaven, and stole the Elixir of Long Life; five bowls full, some raw, some cooked, are all inside him. No doubt he has worked on them with Samadhi fire and fused them into a solid, that makes his whole body harder than diamond, so that he is very difficult to damage. The best thing would be to bring him to me. I’ll put him in my Crucible of the Eight Trigrams and smelt him with alchemic fire. In a little while he will be reduced to ashes, and I shall recover my elixir, which will be left at the bottom of the crucible.’

Note: same samadhi?

Page 78

One day when Buddha had been preaching to the Bodhisattvas and Arhats, he said at the end of his sermon, ‘I have been noticing that there is a lot of difference in the inhabitants of the Four Continents of the universe. Those in the Eastern Continent are respectful, peaceable and cheerful; those of the Northern are somewhat prone to take life, but they are so dumb, lethargic and stupid that they don’t do much harm. In our Western Continent, there is no greed or slaughter; we nurture our humours and hide our magic, and although we have no supreme illuminates everyone is safe against the assaults of age. But in Jumbudvīpa, the Southern Continent, they are greedy, lustful, murderous, and quarrelsome. I wonder whether a knowledge of the True Scriptures would not cause some improvement in them?’

Note: lol fkin racist Buddha

Page 90

One spring day when the priests were discussing abstract points of doctrine in the shade of some pine-trees, a doltish priest who had been downed in argument by Hsiian Tsang lost his temper and cried, ‘Who are you to lay down the law to us, you miserable animal? No one knows who you are, who were your parents or where you come from!’

Note: its not a merit based society

Page 107

Setting out again, they came presently to a gate where Ts’ui said, ‘This is almost the end of your journey. I shall now leave you in the hands of Captain Chu, who will escort you on the short remaining stage. Don’t forget to celebrate the Great Mass for the salvation of the souls of the hungry. A king against whom no tongue clamours in the underworld for vengeance, will rule long years in peace.’

Note: advice for kings

Page 109

‘I am called Liu Ch’üan,’ said Liu. ‘My wife hanged herself, leaving me with two small girls. I decided to do away with myself, and wishing at the same time to do a service to my country, I undertook to bring with me this present of melons which the Emperor of China wishes to give your Majesty as a thank-offering.’ When Yama and the Judges heard this they sent for the ghost of Blue Lotus, whom the ghostly messengers at once discovered and brought to Liu. Reference to the Registers of Death showed that both of them were destined to live to a ripe old age. But when Yama ordered them to be taken back to life, the messenger objected that Blue Lotus’s spirit had been in the underworld for a considerable time, and he doubted whether the body which she had left behind would still be serviceable. ‘The Emperor’s sister Jade Bud is due to die,’ said Yama. ‘You had better borrow her body.’

Note: no link between condition of body and lifespan

Page 112

Meanwhile the minister Wei-ch’ih went to Kai-fêng with a store of silver and gold, to pay back the money lent by Hsiang Liang. Now Hsiang Liang was a water-carrier, and his wife made a living by selling pottery. They only spent on themselves what was necessary to keep them alive; all the rest they gave to priests, or spent on paper cash which they dedicated and burned. Consequently, though in this world they ranked as pious people, but very poor, in the world below they gradually accumulated a very considerable fortune. When Wei-ch’ih came to their door, laden with silver and gold, their astonishment knew no bounds, accompanied as he was by a numerous following of horsemen and coaches. They were reduced to speechless consternation, and throwing themselves on to their knees they bowed low and long. ‘Rise!’ cried Wei-ch’ih, ‘I have merely come to repay the money that you were good enough to lend to his Majesty the Emperor.’ ‘We have never lent money to anyone,’ they stammered, ‘and cannot possibly accept what does not belong to us.’ ‘I am aware,’ said he, ‘that you are poor people. But owing to your constant alms and dedication of paper cash to the spirits of the world below, you have great sums to your credit in that world. Recently when the Emperor spent three days in the realms of Death, he had occasion to borrow heavily from your account there, and now I have come to repay the debt.’ ‘It is true,’ they said, ‘that we have something to our account in that world. But what proof have we that his Majesty borrowed from us there? We could not dream of accepting.’ ‘The loan,’ said Wei-ch’ih, ‘was authorized by Ts’ui Chio, one of the assessors there, and he could bear testimony.’ ‘That’s as may be,’ they said, ‘but nothing will induce us to accept.’

Note: advice for commoners

Page 118

Hsiian Tsang accepted with thanks, but when he was offered the wine-cup, he declined, saying that abstinence from wine was the first rule of priesthood, and that he never took it. ‘This is an exceptional occasion,’ said the Emperor, ‘and the wine is not at all strong; just drink one cup to speed you on your journey.’ Tripitaka dared not refuse; but just as he was going to drink, the Emperor stooped down and with his royal fingers scooped up a handful of dust and threw it into the cup. At first Tripitaka could not make out why he had done this, but the Emperor said laughing, ‘Tell me, brother, how long do you expect to be away ?’ ‘I hope, ‘said Tripitaka,’ to be back in three years.’ ‘That’s a long time,’ said the Emperor, ‘and you have a long way to go. You would do well to drink this cup, for are we not told that a handful of one’s country’s soil is worth more than ten thousand pounds of foreign gold?’ Then Tripitaka understood why the Emperor had thrown the dust into the cup, drank it down to the last dregs, and set out upon his way.

Note: china numba wan

Page 124

Immediately after breakfast next day, the whole household assembled and Tripitaka was asked to begin his recitation. He washed his hands, and assisted by the hunter burnt incense in front of the house-shrine, then bowing to the house-shrine he beat on his wooden fish, and after reciting spells for the purification of the mouth and the body, he read a text on the salvation of souls. After this the hunter asked him to write a prayer-slip for the salvation of the dead, and he recited parts of the Diamond Cutter Scripture and the Scripture of Kuan-yin, each in a clear and loud voice. After the midday meal he recited chapters from the Lotus Scripture and the Scripture of Amitabha, and then told the story of the monks washing away their evil karma. As the day drew on, he burned further incense, along with paper horses and prayer-slips. When all was over, they went to bed. That night the soul of the hunter’s father appeared in dream to every member of the household, saying that he had for long been striving in vain to escape from the torments of the lower world. Now, thanks to the prayers and recitations of this pious priest, the evil karma that restrained him was wiped away, and Yama had ordered that he should be reborn as the child of a rich landowner. He asked them to tender his warmest thanks to his benefactor.

Note: opiate of the masses

Page 167

Tripitaka nodded. ‘Your majesty,’ he said, ‘there is an ancient saying, “Heaven favours, where virtue rules.” I fear you have no compassion for your people; for now that they are in trouble, you leave your city. Go back and open your store-houses, sustain your people, repent your misdeeds, and do present good twofold to make recompense. Release from captivity any whom you have unjustly condemned, and Heaven will see to it that rain comes and the winds are tempered.’

Note: facepalm

Page 169

‘Yes,’ said Tripitaka, ‘that magician may have strange powers, turn himself into your image, steal your lands, your officers knowing nothing, and your ladies unaware. But you that were dead at least knew that you were dead. Why did you not go to Yama, King of Death, and put in a complaint?’ ‘The magician’s power,’ he said, ‘is very great, and he is on close terms with the clerks and officers of Death. The Spirit of Wall and Moat is forever drinking with him; all the Dragon Kings of the Sea are his kinsmen. The God of the Eastern Peak is his good friend; the ten kings of Judgement are his cousins. I should be barred in every effort to lay my plaint before the King of Death.’

Note: guanxi

Page 176

Tripitaka came one step forward, pressed the palms of his hands together and said: ‘Your Majesty, to how many things does man, born into the world, owe gratitude?’ ‘To four things,’ said the prince. ‘To what four things?’ ‘He is grateful,’ said the prince, ‘to Heaven and Earth for covering and supporting him, to the sun and moon for shining upon him, to the king for lending him water and earth, and to his father and mother for rearing him.’ Tripitaka laughed. ‘To the other three he owes gratitude indeed,’ he said. ‘But what need has he of a father and mother to rear him?’ ‘That’s all very well for you,’ said the prince, ‘who are a shaven-headed, disloyal, food-cadging wanderer. But if a man had no father or mother, how could he come into the world?’

Note: i owe nothing to the king. this was written at a time when kings were all powerful

Page 265

“Strategy is the art of making use of time and space. I am less chary of the latter than of the former; space we can recover, time never”; “I may lose a battle, but I shall never lose a minute”; “Time is the great element between weight and force.”

Page 199

Pigsy at once offered himself for this service, but Tripitaka held him back. ‘You’re no use for that,’ he cried. ‘Let Monkey do it.’ Tripitaka knew what he was talking about. For Pigsy had in his early days eaten living things, and even monstrously devoured human flesh, so that all his stock of breath was defiled. Whereas Monkey had always lived on pine-seeds, cypress cones, peaches, and the like, and his breath was pure.

Note: meat eaters discriminated against

Page 202

‘We were sent from the eastern land of T’ang in Southern Jambudvïpa, said Monkey haughtily, ‘by royal command, to go to India that is in the Western Region,

Note: interesting take on geography

Page 202

‘Our eastern land,’ said Monkey, ‘long ago set up a Heavenly Court and became a Great Power. Whereas yours is a Minor Power, a mere frontier land. There is an old saying, “The king of a Great Country is father and lord; the king of a lesser country is vassal and son.” You admit that you have had no dealings with our country. How dare you contend that we ought to bow down?’

Note: china numba wan

Page 208

‘It did not run away,’ said Manjuśrī. ‘It acted under orders from Buddha himself.’ ‘You mean to tell me,’ said Monkey, ‘that it was Buddha who told this creature to turn into an evil spirit and seize the Emperor’s throne? In that case all the troubles I meet with while escorting Tripitaka are very likely ordered by His Holiness. A nice thought!’ ‘Monkey,’ said Manjuśrī, ‘you don’t understand. In the beginning this king of Crow-cock was devoted to good works and the entertaining of priests. Buddha was so pleased that he sent me to fetch him away to the Western Paradise, where he was to assume a golden body and become an Arhat. As it was not proper for me to show myself in my true form I came disguised as a priest and begged for alms. Something I said gave him offence, and not knowing that I was anyone in particular he had me bound and cast into the river, where I remained under water for three nights and three days, till at last a guardian spirit rescued me and brought me back to Paradise. I complained to Buddha, who sent this creature to throw the king into the well, and let him remain there three years as a retaliation for the three days that I was in the river. You know the saying: “Not a sip, not a sup …”* But now you have arrived on the scene, the episode is successfully dosed.’

Note: everyone sucks here

Page 251

“To be virtuous without instruction is superhuman. To be virtuous after instruction is reasonable. To be instructed and remain incorrigible is to be a fool.”

Page 986

As a result of England’s attempt to challenge the new Spanish and Portuguese routes to the Americas and to Asia, considerable effort was devoted to forging close relations with the Ottoman Turks. At a time when most of Europe looked on with horror as Turkish forces were all but knocking on the gates of Vienna, the English backed a different horse. They were conspicuous by their absence when other Christian states assembled to form a ‘Holy League’, a coalition that gathered to attack the Ottoman fleet at Lepanto in the Gulf of Corinth in 1571. The victory of the Holy League prompted scenes of jubilation across Europe, where poetry, music, art and monuments were created to commemorate the triumph. In England, it was met with silence. 10

Page 275

‘There is no need to harp on that now,’ said Monkey. ‘The main thing is that next year the village will not have to supply victims for the sacrifice. You are rid of your Great King forever, and need fear no more. We must now trouble you to find us a boat to take us across the river.’

Note: and who will take care of the weather

Page 286

‘You needn’t shout,’ said Buddha smiling. ‘I quite expected that those two would ask for their commission. As a matter of fact, scriptures ought not to be given on too easy terms or received gratis. On one occasion some of my monks went down the mountain to Sravastī with some scriptures and let Chao, the Man of Substance, read them out loud. The result was that all the live members of his household were protected from all calamity and the dead were saved from perdition. For this they only charged gold to the weight of three pecks and three pints of rice. I told them they had sold far too cheap.

Note: stupidest shit ive heard

Page 287

As a matter of fact, it is such blank scrolls as these that are the true scriptures. But I quite see that the people of China are too foolish and ignorant to believe this, so there is nothing for it but to give them copies with some writing on.’ Then he called for Ānanda and Kaśyapa, and told them to choose a few scrolls with writing, out of each of the thirty-five divisions of the scriptures, hand them over to the pilgrims, and then inform him of the exact titles and numbers.

Note: waow. just like the dragon scroll from kung fu panda

Page 290

‘In our Faith,’ said the Bodhisattva, ‘nine times nine is the crucial number. I see that the number of calamities listed here is eighty, thus falling short by one of the holy number.’ Then turning to a Guardian she said, ‘Catch up the Vajrapanis and tell them there has got to be one more calamity.’

Note: what a moron

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